Highway Narcissist

My wife Linda Sue and I were driving along Highway 101 in California, when we came upon this sight.

That's right.

A self-proclaimed Narcissist!

My heart leapt. My mind swamped with questions. Could the driver be anything like Tyler LePerdu?

The guy behind the wheel all but ignored our acknowledgement, and I wondered if it had been poor judgment to give him the "thumbs up" as we passed. One would be wise not to stir the pot with a narcissist at 70mph, particularly when they are featuring inverted stars that look suspiciously satanic. The truck was black. And that font.

A Narcissist?

Safely home, I Googled the word "narcissist" to see if my rather studied understanding precluded something obvious in the culture around me. I found nothing substantial, but did make a few wonderful discoveries. I now know where to go should I ever need to recognize a narcissist. I know where to find an online questionnaire to see if I might be a narcissist. There is even a Canadian dress company calling itself Narcissist, featuring bride's maids dresses with names like Emily, Serena and Jackie.




"Jackie" is a Narcissist.




Then I considered the possiblity that the Highway Narcissist was simply giving his props to a wrap star I’d not heard of, or a heavy metal or NWOBHM band I would know nothing about. All I found was a recording by a Detroit techno musician, an “inspired set of machine soul.”

Apparently, this is The Narcissist.

The Rabbit Hole

Feeling as though I'd hit a dead end, I decided to pursue the meaning of the inverted stars. I quickly learned that they are Nauvoo Pentagrams, and was thrown into a hotbed of controversy. One search result informed me that the inverted pentagram is used by both Mormons, and, according to certain Mormons, Satanists. Say the Latter Day Saints, the Satan worshippers' use (for evil) is much more contemporary; their use (for good) is more historically accurate. Not knowing much about Satanism, I went further down the rabbit hole and learned that not all Satanists worship Satan. While some do worship Satan as a deity, others focus more on material or physical advancement of the self, prefering more egoistic approach to life with self-centering world views and natural laws; all of which led me to more controversy in Anton LaVey, founder of the Church of Satan, and whose philosophies were heavily influenced by Friedrich Nietzsche, H. L. Mencken, Jack London, and Ayn Rand.

I wonder if the Highway Narcissist had a copy of "Atlas Shrugged" in the glove box.

Half the Harm

Half the harm that is done in this world
Is due to people who want to feel important
They don't mean to do harm--but the harm does not interest them.
Or they do not see it, or they justify it
Because they are absorbed in the endless struggle
To think well of themselves.

- T. S. Eliot

Echo

So much of my experience with AoaN (this, by the way, will be the acronym for the book, dropping the “t” and keeping the preposition “o” and the article “a’ relegated to the lowercase, an homage to Steven LaRose of FoCB, and one of which Tyler L. would approve, I’m sure, though he would prefer its introduction footnoted rather than sheathed in this bothersome and lengthy parenthetical) has been the discovery of my misunderstandings. For example, I had always been under the impression that the fundamental characteristic of narcissism is self-love. This is inaccurate; it is quite the opposite. Put simply, narcissism is born of self-loathing.

Another misunderstanding I discovered was regarding the myth of Narcissus (there are various interpretations of it, but I will reference Ovid’s version here). I had remembered the story to be: Narcissus is out in the woods, leans down to drink some water and is so enamored of his reflection, that he becomes frozen there, as though he’d caught the glance of Medusa. This is all true, though it’s only part of the story. It is missing his crucial relationship to Echo, short-lived though it was.

Chatty Cathy

Prior to the incident at the waterline, Narcissus was pursued by the nymph Echo, who had been punished by Juno for her garrulousness.

“Juno confused
her silly tongue, because she often held
that glorious goddess with her endless tales,
till many a hapless Nymph, from Jove's embrace,
had made escape adown a mountain. But
for this, the goddess might have caught them.”

Who could blame Juno, really?

So, Echo was

“...deprived the use of speech,
except to babble and repeat the words,
once spoken, over and over.”

To speak only when spoken to.

Enter Narcissus

One day, Echo sees Narcissus out hunting alone and instantly falls madly in love. She is hot for him. Hot.

“The more she followed him
the hotter did she burn, as when the flame
flares upward from the sulphur on the torch.
Oh, how she longed to make her passion known!”

Ovid was never one to hold any sexual punches.

But Echo, given her curse, cannot make her voice known until he speaks first; she can only follow him, careful not to be seen by him. Narcissus becomes alarmed, calling out to whomever is there. She can only repeat words he’s said, and though there is meaning behind her words, the exchange only frustrates the both of them. They go back and forth like this for a while until he finally calls out, “Oh let us come together!” She rushes to him, throwing her arms around his neck. And that ends their ill-fated relationship on the spot.

Narcissus rejects her outright, pushing her away, insulting her. He is prideful. And he has a track record with rejection. Earlier on in the story, Ovid points out that throughout Narcissus’ life:

“...many a youth,
and many a damsel sought to gain his love;
but such his mood and spirit and his pride,
none gained his favour.”

Lonely Boy, Lonely Girl

Spurned, Echo hides away, humiliated, hurt, yet her love only continues to grow, and it ultimately does her in - melting her features, shriveling her skin, turning her bones to stone until nothing remains except her voice and the stones. Among the hills. Alone. Waiting for the other to allow her to speak.

Echo is crucial to the story of Narcissus because she stands as the illustration of his nasty reputation up to that point in time. Without Echo, we would neither see nor feel the consequences of his rejections of the many people that have offered their love for him. By the time his thirst drives him to his ultimate fate, Narcissus is already well down the path of isolation. His story is sad, yet the tragedy is made painful by Echo’s physical demise and eternal solitude.

Ovid! Such a poet.

--------

Read Ovid's Metamorphoses: Echo and Narcissus

Other interpretations of the myth.

"Echo and Narcissus" by John William Waterhouse

Christopher Lasch's "The Culture of Narcissism"

The trick to writing social criticism is to focus on patterns that run deeper than the exterior of a society, so that its tenets cannot be tossed aside after a few years of discussion. Find the core composition, not the trends. Christopher Lasch was able to do this with The Culture of Narcissism: American Life in an Age of Diminishing Expectations. He struck a cultural nerve at enough depth that the book is commonly referenced some twenty five years later.

Originally written in the 1970s, and clearly in response to the tumultuous 1960s and its aftermath, the book explores the clinical definition of narcissism and applies it to the world around him. At times his tone is pessimistic; at others, ironic. He often references directly the era in which it was written. But overall, his observations of various aspects of American culture - parenting, obsession with celebrity, consumerism, ageism, moral permissiveness - enable him to make direct connections to the symptoms of the individual narcissist. Lasch’ lasting success is demonstrated in how these observations resonate into the 21st Century. Here are a few examples.

Consumerism

“The propaganda of commodities serves a double function. First it upholds consumption as an alternative to protest or rebellion... In the second place, the propaganda of consumption turns alienation itself into a commodity. It addresses itself to the spiritual desolation of modern life and proposes consumption as the cure.” (73)

This is distinctive to the social critique of the last 100 years, with the rising influence of advertising and the growing power of the corporate media. Today, society is so inundated by the call to consume that it transcends propaganda; consumerism is now successfully integrated into self-identity. Protesting it simply doesn’t occur. Gap and Ipod advertisements represent modern rebellion and individuality with conformist fashion and dance moves; political activism has no place (allowing a peace during war time on university campuses, the historical birthplace of political protest). All of it attainable through the mere spending of disposable income, an expenditure that has increased per capita over the last thirty years.

Aging

“The denial of age in America culminates in the prolongevity movement, which hopes to abolish old age altogether.” (217)

The American revulsion towards aging, expressed in everything from cosmetic surgery to the promise of age-related gene modification, is as pervasive as it has ever been. Lasch goes on to say that “the prolongevity movement expresses in characteristic form the anxieties of a culture that believes it has no future.” Fear of aging and death, as well as hypochondria, are fundamental to chronic narcissism. This is also symptomatic of our world today.

Celebrity

“The media give substance to and thus intensify narcissistic dreams of fame and glory, encourage the common man to identify himself with the stars and to hate the ‘herd.’” (21)

According to the Diagnostics and Statistics Manual of Mental Disorders, the narcissist believes he is special or unique and can only be understood by, or associate with, other special or unique, or high-status people. There is little denying that contemporary popular culture, born from American media, feeds upon and is perhaps obsessed with lifestyles of the rich and famous. To add an enigmatic twist, he says:

“The only important attribute of celebrity is that it is celebrated; no one can say why.” (47)

Certainly one can argue that applying such a broad interpretation of narcissism to the troubles of American culture makes for an easy diagnosis - just as anyone raising a child might become convinced they are suffering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. It also may be suggested that his secret to success is in the subject itself; it positions him to speak directly to the narcissist in all of us (and the narcissist hungers for such acknowledgment, particularly from a bestselling author). Keep in mind that this is not a manifesto; it is pop-sociology. As such, it is an important work that is engaging, entertaining and comprehensive, if not a testimony to the idea that narcissism is the collective malady of our time.

The Culture of Narcissism: American Life in an Age of Diminishing Expectations Christopher Lasch. W. W. Norton & Company; Revised edition (May 1, 1991), 302 pp. $10.85

Acknowledgments

Good poets borrow, great poets steal

I am deeply indebted to Casey Stetler for his invaluable help in editing the book, his unceasing enthusiasm, and his willingness to let me borrow his ideas.

I would also like to thank Dr. James R. Mannes for the many meaningful conversations about everything from psychoanalysis to narcissism to surfing.

In addition, I wish to acknowledge those whose response to earlier versions pushed me along to this version: Lauralee Farrer, Gerric Duncan, Paul Stetler, Kristi Walsh and Michael Wright. I borrowed from them as well.

Source Material

Here is a list of some of the reading I did in preparation for “The Autobiography of a Narcissist.”

Trapped in the Mirror
Elan Golomb

Learning to Love
Harry Frederick Harlow

The Culture of Narcissism: American Life in an Age of Diminishing Expectations
Christopher Lasch

Narcissism: Denial of the True Self
Alexander Lowen, M.D.

Essential Papers on Narcissism (Essential Papers in Psychoanalysis)
Andrew Morrison
(specifically “On narcissism: an introduction (1914)” by Sigmund Freud)

Narcissism and Character Transformation: The Psychology of Narcissistic Character Disorders
Nathan Schwartz-Salant

Narcissism and Intimacy: Love and Marriage in an Age of Confusion
Marion F. Solomon

Unfoil the Champagne, Let the Corks Fly

Welcome to the official unveiling of the Comment and Discussion area for The Autobiography of a Narcissist. This means that the book is now available online. For further information, click on its image in the right hand column under "Buy the Book."

The Hope For This Blog

The hope is to create an area where the book can be discussed. The hope is that other issues that are integral to the book can be explored here. The hope is that participation will be more interactive, more like a message board where there is somewhat of a level playing field with regards to the content. The hope is that the book will find its audience.

How This Hope Can Come True

1. Everyone is encouraged and welcome to post comments. It is intended as a "Comments and Discussion" section for the book, but that of course is contingent upon its being read. So feel free to comment on and discuss this blog itself, or autobiographies, or narcissism. If anyone veers too far astray from the subjects herein, I'll do my best to respond in a way that brings it back in line. That shouldn't be too difficult, considering that narcissism is a subject herein.

2. I invite you to email me if you have a comment that seems like more of a topic heading than a comment. Sometimes ideas are just too darn big. I respect that. Indeed, I applaud and invite that. I'll upload it and give you credit unless you would prefer anonymity.

3. If you post a comment that feels larger than a "comment", I might just email you for permission to upload it as a topic heading.

4. Feel free to ask questions, about everything from topics I know nothing about to your own personal issues, expressed beneath the veil of clever euphemism.

5. Read the book.


6. (Your comment here!)

Spread The Word

This is not only a virtual book club, this is also an experiment in a piece of writing finding its audience by alternative means - a tough undertaking even if you are published through a traditional, brick-and-mortar publisher. So I appreciate your telling others about this blog. And, naturally telling them about the book.